When do you let go?

Something that any parent will have to deal with sooner or later is letting
you children "go". By saying "go" I don’t mean letting them leave the house.
But giving them the space to become independent, the room to grow and gain confidence and develop
self-assurance. In the past eight years, I have been blessed to watch my two
sons grow. From the delivery rooms to the school playgrounds. From their first baths to their first haircuts. From the moment when they first rolled
over, to their first steps.

I taught them how to ride their bicycles, skate on their
rollerblades. I was at the toddler swimming classes, in the pool with them. It
may sound too early, but I think I need to take a good half step back to allow
them the space to grow, to build their own characters. I find it difficult
because of the strong bonding that we have. But I do realize that the
inevitable – becoming empty-nesters will come someday.

This past weekend I went out with my sons, to the elementary school which
they now attend. It’s just a few hundred yards outside our community. My
youngest asked if he and go-go (哥哥) could ride their bikes to the jr. high school
campus next to the elementary. I thought for a brief moment and told him yes.
The two brothers disappeared before I could finish saying "Be careful!". Time
flies, how often do we hear that? And it sure does!

Watching my sons disappear in the short distance, made me become more aware of their
growth, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. As parents, we try
to make the best decisions for out kids, but we really need to allow them to make
their own decisions. What we can do is provide them the guidance when they are
confused, and the support when they stumble.

Not long ago I heard of something called the "helicopter parents", parents
that hover, overshadow their children. An advice if I may, don’t do it. Give
them the freedom to be themselves. I believe by letting them go, they will
remain close to you. If they don’t fall, they will never learn how to get back up on their own two feet.

original post date: May 19, 2009

Home Sweet Home

I left Hope, Arkansas this morning at 4:40 am, heading up Little Rock National Airport. It’s been over four days since I’ve been away from home – my family. Although I called home every night during the week, but hearing my wife’s, sons’ voices weren’t really enough. I had been on the road much longer, from 2 weeks to 6 weeks. This time, however, felt the longest. I supposed it was because I was out in the country and there really wasn’t anything to do. Adding to the boredom, the thunder storms and pouring rain confined me to the hotel room. There was an outdoor pool, well, more like a kiddie pool. I didn’t want to be out there on the pool deck during a storm.

The only "sightseeing" I did was when I met up with a former coworker (whom was laid off three years ago and had since moved back to Hope) and he gave me a tour of his hometown. We drove around the downtown area, which was no more than 2-3 city blocks. The largest building was a bank, no tall buildings. In fact, I didn’t see many two story buildings or homes at all. John is content with returning to his roots. The 80-foot trailer he now calls home, and the yard that it sits on, are his pride and joy.

John and I had dinner together, we chatted about our families, but mostly, John chatted about his past, his glory days. I didn’t mind John rambling on, after all, I hadn’t seen him for a few years. I picked up the tab before heading back to the hotel to work on my reports.

Several planes have taken off, not sure where they are headed. A few more hours then I get to see my family again. I’m a little exhausted but I know my sons will want to go swimming at the YMCA. Luckily, the weekend is here, at least I have a couple of days to recoup before going back to work on Monday.

original post date: May 15, 2009

In the country

I’m currently out on the road – business trip that is. This isn’t the first time I’m on a business assignment but it is the first time I’m in the countryside. For those of you who are curious, my location is Hope, Arkansas. Hope is literally the size of a postal stamp compared to other cities anywhere. A mere 10 square miles with a population just over 10,000.

People here are very, very laid back, who enjoy a simple life. There isn’t any shopping mall, restaurant row, let alone amusement park. The town folks seem content with their lives and many have never ventured too far out of the tiny town. The nearest larger town/city is Texarkana, about 32 miles southwest to Hope.

Having lived in the city for so long, this change of pace is actually nice. Granted there isn’t any attraction other than it’s known as former President Bill Clinton’s birthplace.

However, I think a week here is enough for me, as much as I love the green scenery, I’m still very much a city boy.



original post date: May 12, 2009

Happy Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is just two day away. I would like to take this opportunity to wish my mom and all the moms in the world a Happy Mother’s Day.
This wish extends to my wife – mother of my two boys. She is the perfect mom in my eyes and I can’t express my gratitude and appreciations enough.

I had lived a period of five years without my mom due to family issues. I had learned first hand just how difficult life could be without a mother. Fortunately my mother had rejoined us – myself and my siblings, for the past 22 years. Although she now lives thousands of miles from me, I want to send her our best wishes. I do hope to visit her again soon.

Every year I pull my hair out trying to think of what I can do to celebrate Mother’s Day, this year is no exception. My mom is easy, she loves the "usual" things, a bouquet of flowers, a nice dinner at her favorite restaurant and she is as happy as a clam. My wife, on the other hand, represents a big challenge year after year. It’s not that she has very expensive taste or is high maintenance. She is the exact opposite, T-shirts and jeans only, she wears no make-up at all. No fancy jewelries, nauseating perfume, designer handbags, and hates electronic gadgets with a passion!

After over a week of contemplating with different ideas, I think my sons and I have finally come up with a good game plan. The thought process brought me back a few years when I gave her her her first Mother’s Day surprise. We had just welcomed our first son in the year before. We had also just settled into our new home. My mom was staying with my sister at that time to help look after her two kids. We would drop off our son so grandma could also watch the little one.

It was about a week before Mother’s Day. After a week of planning I decided to take half a day off from work to get the big surprise ready. It was my wife’s first Mother’s Day, this time, as a mother. During the years when my mom was absent from my life, I had learned how to take care of myself. One of the things was – learn how to cook. I can’t cook up a ten course meal but four – five dished aren’t too big of a challenge for me. So the plan was, when my wife went to pick up our son, my accomplices – my mom and my sister, would try to stall her. Meanwhile I would be at home cooking up a storm.

My wife normally left work at around 4:45 pm and the usual commute time for her was about 40-45 minutes. I had asked my sister to stall her until 6 pm, that should give me enough time to cook and prep the table. My menu consisted of 魚香茄子, 糖醋魚, 烤白菜及乾扁四季豆, 外加蕃茄玉米湯. The fish required deep frying and the cabbage baking, the other dishes were done rather quickly.

It was about 15 minutes before 6 pm, I figured that my wife had to be at my sister’s. I called my sister to let her know that I was done cooking and she could let my wife go. My sister was less than 10 minutes away from us. I took a military style shower – about 3 minutes flat. Got the table ready for my wife’s arrival. Before I went down stairs I heard the garage door open, I got it all done in the nick of time!

My wife, with our 13-month old son in her arms said to me "Well, you’re home early! How come you didn’t go pick up the little one? Did you take a shower already?" The she sniffed a few times, "What did you do? Did you cook dinner?" I picked our son from her, handed her a big Happy Mother’s Day card and we had a family hug. She had a smile from ear to ear. My dishes were all right, the fish was a little too sour and the cabbage didn’t have enough time to bake to a nice texture but the rest of the dishes were spot-on. It has been a few years since that big surprise. The history has a way of repeating itself….only this time, my accomplices are my two sons. My menu for Sunday? 鹽酥雞 , 清蒸釀豆腐, 炒芥藍, 炒鴨掌, 貢丸湯. I just hope to see that big smile again.

Happy Mother’s Day to all moms out there.

Update: Slight change of plan, better half wants to visit a local restaurant that we haven’t been to for over a year since we started cutting back on dining out. Anything to make her happy, it’s her special day. I’ll get the breakfast instead.

Extra…extra:
Everyone liked the strawberry pancake + egg breakfast.
I’m still making dinner but menu has been changed. 炒芥藍, 宮保魷魚, 鹽酥鯧, 貢丸湯.

breakfast dinner

I would take a picture of anything leftover, but there wasn’t any.

original post date: May 8, 2009

Friendship – what is?

Recently the topic of "friendship" came up in a forum that I belonged to. It derived from a brief posting I had posted. I was in one of those moods I get sometimes when I have too much time on my hands.
朋友何其多, 知心有幾個?
"Among the many friends, whom do you call pals?" – is a close translation to my original posting in Chinese.

Someone in the forum responded that, friends were those who gave you sound financial advices, provided you with travel information, tips to finding bargains and such. There isn’t a definition that works for everyone, perhaps that’s what a friendship means to the particular individual. However, if those were the qualities in a friendship, then no one in the world has true friends.

I would agree with this though, friendship gives you the opportunity to share knowledge, experiences, the ups and downs in life, and a few good laughs. Friendship should be "unconditional", that is, you don’t seek any gain from it, whether it’s material or emotional. If you befriended someone to gain insight in the stock market, a partnership is probably more appropriate.

When you have just completed reading a book and want to share it with someone, you call a friend. You want to try out a new recipe and need a good test subject, you call a friend. Your pet fish goes belly up one morning and you feel sad, guess what, you call a friend. Friend is someone who shares your emotions, listens to your sometimes tasteless jokes, lends an ear when you want to rant.

Let’s go back to my old posting for a moment, "朋友何其多, 知心有幾個?" – "Among the many friends, whom do you call pals?"
Unfortunately there isn’t a formula to find out who will become your pals. But this I believe, when you treat your friends with honesty, sincerity, over time, you will find out who belongs in you "pal" circle.
There are a few more old sayings in Chinese, which I find very, very true.
患難見真情 – a true relationship / friendship is evident in dire times
路遙知馬力, 日久見人心 – a long journey tests the endurance of a horse, only time can reveal a person’s true colors

I have made quite a few friends in life, several more from the online forum. I don’t know who will remain a year or two from now. But I do hope to stay in touch with my friends, share a few good laughs whenever possible. Life is a long journey, why not make a few friends alone the way?

original post date: May 4, 2009

Gone fishing…saved a worm.

Last year I was bombarded with home projects that I didn’t get a chance to go fishing. I won’t say it’s my favorite pastime but perhaps it will be when I finally retire and have too much time on my hands. I packed up my fishing gear last night and headed out quarter before 6 am this morning.
I decided to try out the artificial lures, not that I’m squirmish about using night crawlers, I just wanted to spare the worms.

My wife’s company has several very large retention ponds stocked with fish. Bluegills, small mouth bass, large mouth bass, catfish, etc. I got a bite on my first cast but didn’t reel it in, perhaps I rushed it a bit. I felt pretty good and was quite sure I’d bring home some fish for BBQ. Unfortunately that first cast was the closest I had to catching any fish.

I moved to different spots, tried different lures, hook sizes, still, reeled in nothing. Just before I decided to pack it in for the day (~ 10:30 am) I noticed a large earthworm somehow ended up in the pond. There was no doubt it would eventually drown or be some fish’s lunch. I picked up a twig and fished it out of the pound, left it on the grass. The poor worm was about half dead and remained motionless for a while. After several minutes it began to move and dug its way back into the ground.

I didn’t catch any fish, but ironically, I saved an earthworm.

original post date: May 3, 2009

Happy Birthday

My youngest son was invited to a classmate’s birthday party and naturally he
was very excited.

He is just six, any party would be awesome, right? We didn’t get any
invitation in the mail, instead

we received an e-vite which we responded. My youngest son started counting
down four days before

the party, right up to when we got in the car, headed out to the party. The
party was being held in

a local church. We didn’t think much of it, we figured they were church
members and the church was nice enough to

let them use the place.

We dropped off my son at 2:00 pm, the party was until 4:00 pm. After
dropping our son off we went and did some shopping

in the immediate area. Two hour went by quickly, we went back to the church
to pick up our son. When we arrived, he was sitting

on a bench, we picked him up and said thank you to the host.

I asked my son if he had fun, his reply surprised me. He said “No”. I was a
little puzzled so I asked him, didn’t you play games or anything?

My son said, “No, there were no games, no food, just a birthday cake and
juice pouches. We didn’t do anything.”

Wow! I thought to myself, how in the world would someone throw a birthday
for a six year old and not have any kind of games for kids?

And no food?

I spoke with my wife for a few moments and we finally figured it out.
The host family didn’t send out any invitation via postal mail.

They most likely used the church without paying a dime. They set the time
between 2 – 4 pm so they didn’t need to serve food.

I remembered some 20 or so parents had responded and confirmed their child’s
attendance. A birthday cake and some juice pouches

in exchange for over 20 birthday presents. That was some serious return on
investment!

I understand the economy is tough now, but I felt cheated, not only that, my
son was cheated.

original post date: May 2, 2009