Friendship – what is?

Recently the topic of "friendship" came up in a forum that I belonged to. It derived from a brief posting I had posted. I was in one of those moods I get sometimes when I have too much time on my hands.
朋友何其多, 知心有幾個?
"Among the many friends, whom do you call pals?" – is a close translation to my original posting in Chinese.

Someone in the forum responded that, friends were those who gave you sound financial advices, provided you with travel information, tips to finding bargains and such. There isn’t a definition that works for everyone, perhaps that’s what a friendship means to the particular individual. However, if those were the qualities in a friendship, then no one in the world has true friends.

I would agree with this though, friendship gives you the opportunity to share knowledge, experiences, the ups and downs in life, and a few good laughs. Friendship should be "unconditional", that is, you don’t seek any gain from it, whether it’s material or emotional. If you befriended someone to gain insight in the stock market, a partnership is probably more appropriate.

When you have just completed reading a book and want to share it with someone, you call a friend. You want to try out a new recipe and need a good test subject, you call a friend. Your pet fish goes belly up one morning and you feel sad, guess what, you call a friend. Friend is someone who shares your emotions, listens to your sometimes tasteless jokes, lends an ear when you want to rant.

Let’s go back to my old posting for a moment, "朋友何其多, 知心有幾個?" – "Among the many friends, whom do you call pals?"
Unfortunately there isn’t a formula to find out who will become your pals. But this I believe, when you treat your friends with honesty, sincerity, over time, you will find out who belongs in you "pal" circle.
There are a few more old sayings in Chinese, which I find very, very true.
患難見真情 – a true relationship / friendship is evident in dire times
路遙知馬力, 日久見人心 – a long journey tests the endurance of a horse, only time can reveal a person’s true colors

I have made quite a few friends in life, several more from the online forum. I don’t know who will remain a year or two from now. But I do hope to stay in touch with my friends, share a few good laughs whenever possible. Life is a long journey, why not make a few friends alone the way?

original post date: May 4, 2009