To Skip or Not to Skip?

A couple of nights ago while attending a birthday party, my wife and I sat down with a few other parents who were also in attendance. Naturally our topics evolved around our kids. One of our friends commented on how smart our boys were, which, really made me proud. She mentioned that her 5 year old daughter had started to learn how to spell simple words. Both our boys started reading short story books at the same age. They are both accelerated readers in the respective classes.

Another friend of ours has a pair of very bright teenage kids, a son and a daughter. Both are outstanding students and exceptionally high achievers. There is no doubt in my mind that intelligence genes have passed down to them, both of their parents are research PhD’s at the local university. Although we don’t know their kids too well, we did on several occasions have interactions with them. The teenage son is unusually quiet, the teen daughter on the other hand, is much more normal, chit-chatty at times.

I jokingly asked our friend who sat right next to me, "Does your son say about two sentences a day on average?" Our friend looked at me for a second then gave me a smile, she said, "Two sentences a week, is about all he says." I wasn’t too surprised when I heard her reply. As far as I can remember, from all three camping trips earlier this year that we took together; and the two days when we helped out at the International Festival, he didn’t speak more than a few sentences.

It wasn’t that he was too shy or too embarrassed to talk to others. Over the years, he has withdrawn himself, his interactions from others, there is a reason behind it. As a gifted child growing up, he was always in the "smart kids" group. It’s not all applause and cheers, as we may expect. What comes with the "smart" label is that now you are chosen to be in a different group. These hand-picked kids no longer interact with the "average kids". Instead, they are bundled with the other academically gifted children. This process would repeat when they continue on with their education.

While they excel academically, there is one big drawback,however. Many of these gifted youngsters continue to flourish while their interpersonal and social skills dwell, or worse, diminish. It’s a dilemma that parents of bright children often face. Intellectually, their kids are above and beyond children of similar age. However, their mental development just isn’t mature enough. How is a child supposed to develop any friendship, or bonding with his classmates when he faces new classmates every new school year? That is exactly the case with our friend’s son.

I’m very proud of my two sons, that they are both high achievers at school. Should we be faced with the decision on whether to let them skip a grade (or grades) or not, I don’t want to make the wrong choice. In all honesty, I think I would be torn in between choosing a path to let them excel, or a path to a fuller, happier childhood.

original post date: December 1, 2009