有朋自遠方來

Most of the trees in our neighborhood are now bare-naked, with the exception of the conifer trees. Seasonal birds began their migratory route as the northern wind rolled in. It only seemed like yesterday when children were out in full force for their Halloween Trick or Treating. Streets now sit empty with occasional traffic. Winter season has begun.

One of my favorite songs 機 場, by 薛 岳 interprets it the best - 熱 帶 的 人 們 永 遠 不 懂  下 雪 的 冬 季. How true is that?! While there may not be any remedy to cure the winter blues, a steaming hotpot will surely help combat the winter cold. If there is one thing my wife and I love as much as having a hotpot, is hosting a hotpot gathering. We hosted our first hotpot gathering some 3 or 4 years ago. Since, it has become a family tradition for us.

A visit from two great friends north of the border helped kick off our winter tradition this year. Known to many of her online friends as DJT – 大姐頭, had finally decided to pay us a visit. It took some coercing and bribery, lo and behold, she and her better half, known as DP, booked a rental van and plotted their routes. The trip didn't start out as planned for the duo, as they got lost on the interstate's loopy loops. By the time they found their way, the traffic was at a standing still - Canadian & American border checkpoint. 

I'm not sure how they maintained their sanity sitting idling for several hours. I remember calling them to check on their trip progress. At close to 1 pm, this happy pair had finally infiltrated into the American territory! Without a Marauder's Map like Harry (Potter), I could only guesstimate their whereabouts. At around 5:30 pm, just as I was debating whether or not to hit the gym and spike it up, then the phone rang. DJT with her trademark 中氣十足 voice informed me that they were getting close to Fort Wayne, which would place them ~ 2.5 hours from our place.  

Woo-hoo, I could go and play volleyball for a couple of hours before the Mounties’ arrival, awesome!  Old grasshopper packed up his gym bag, laced up his gym shoes, passed, bumped, set, spiked and worked up a good sweat. I checked the clock on the wall and hopped in the shower to freshen up. Wouldn’t want to offend our long-distance guests now, at least not on the “first date”. 

I got home and rested for a while, it was about 9 pm then. “Hmm…where in the world are the two Waldos?”, I thought to myself. I peeked out the windows every time a car drove by, nope, not that one. It wasn’t until well past 9:30 pm before a mini-van slowly came down our street. Still, not quite sure if our guests had arrived, I stood and waited by the windows. 

The van drove past our front door very slowly, it almost stopped but kept rolling. I was able to catch a glance at the Ford logo and the “foreign” license plate – Ontario! “It took them long enough, and they overshot our house.”, I stood by the door, waiting for them to come around. A couple of minutes passed and the van came around the corner, FINALLY! 

I called out to my Mrs. “They’re here!”. Two strangers stepped out of the van, one of them actually looked familiar – from the back side. Yup, that’s DJT all right!

Part II to follow...

不須路遙而知馬力

為期四天的印城國際節慶, 在昨晚閉幕了, 非常感謝幕前幕後的所有工作人員. 早在兩個多月前, 在決定參與今年的國際節慶後, 資深的同鄉會員, 就為今年大會的主題”成年禮儀”從便條紙上的手繪藍圖, 到呈現在大家面前的展覽成品, 絞盡腦汁. 所幸, 大家的辛勞及付出的有所代價, 都沒有白費, 印城台灣同鄉會再度拔下餐飲類總冠軍, 及民俗文教類的頭彩. 

在李教授號召與指揮下, 眾同鄉,  IUPUI學生會會友, 在四天中挪出個人時間, 義不容辭的幫忙, 我是看在眼裡, 感動在心! 很值得一提的是, 李教授跟許多資深的同鄉, 都是十五多年來, 為著宣揚我們台灣民俗, 文化在默默耕耘. 很遺憾的, 他們的下一代在成家立業後, 大多都無法繼續參與這項很有意義的活動. 今年我們一家因為作息緊湊, 只能幫忙採購, 在四天中到會場幫忙兩天, 然而, 在短短的兩天中, 我們很明白的看清在下一代中, 誰是任勞任怨, 能夠肩負重任的, 而誰是臨陣脫逃, 推卸任務的.

從小事中, 往往能看得出一個人是否能受託付重任, 儘管今年的小吃攤沒有往年的場面浩大, 但是派兵遣將, 準備瑣事, 仍是件不容易的事. 經手過的, 都知道這是件吃力不討好的差事, 正因如此, 大家更需要互相幫助, 發揮團隊精神. 我們一家值週六早/午班, 跟海倫, 肉包, EO, Jeremy, Jacky,照顧小吃攤.上午九點四十分左右我們到了場地, 原以為當天的小吃攤負責人會在十點開幕前將廚房事項打點好,怎知我們到了以後, 發現油鍋未開, 食品, 用具也沒有補給. 轉頭一看, 原來值班的”班長”正穿著光鮮的中式長袍, 自己轉了班, 到對面的文教展覽當助解.

我們值小吃攤班的幾個, 對了眼 個個搖頭, 我們自忖一群人有辦法應付, 算了, 讓她去吧. 十一點左右, 國龍, 美慧, 清海, 秋如跟Jefferson也陸續加入陣容. 今年人潮或許沒有以前的一半, 但是小吃攤的生意還是不錯. 美慧跟清海現包的鍋貼, 雖然數量有限, 但是為我們小吃攤樹立了佳評, 沒多久就”一銷而空”. 我一家四口, 很慶幸的吃到六,七個高氏鍋貼 - 真好吃!

午後近將一點, 大家都飢腸轆轆, 我們都分批的吃了點東西. 我帶了兒子在別的攤位買了吃的, 我們不好意思白吃白喝, 也在自己的小吃攤買了珍珠奶茶, 蔥油餅, 春捲, 享受了員工特價優待. 我知道大夥兒為了不虧成本, 沒有一個真的吃飽. 對我這個大胃王, 兩, 三條春捲實在起不了作用. 無所謂, 反正晚上朋友請我們去他們家吃火鍋, 就讓肚子裏的戰鼓去響吧! 不多久小吃攤的逃兵端著一盤吃的,到後面坐下用餐, 或許是當展覽助解蠻辛苦的, 那一盤還挺豐盛的.  三點半多, 晚班的會友到了, 我們交了班, 跟大家說了再見後離開會場.

當晚, 我收到了通電話, 問我們是不是週日也有當差? 可惜大兒子隔天有跆拳道晉級測驗, 沒有辦法去幫忙. 他說沒關係, 週六的班底差不多都會到, 足夠應付. 我稱讚了現包的鍋貼, 好多人都想買, 但是都沒有買到. 這時我才知道, 鍋貼一共是包了九十多個, 而我們這位小吃攤轉展覽助解, 一個人就吃了接近二十個, 我苦笑著跟 他說, “這次領教到了, 不會有下次.”  

認識我們的朋友, 都知道我們很少計較, 凡事退個半步, 大家都好相處, 不是嗎? 昨晚, 我跟今年貢獻最多的珍珠小姐 - 海倫聊了幾句, 才知道這幾天在閉幕後, 當大家忙著打掃, 清洗餐具時, 我們這位助解小姐都是甩下一句”辛苦你們, 那我先走了”, 拋下在廚房忙得油頭垢臉的一群, 大家除了繼續埋頭苦幹, 能又奈她何呢?   

有時候, 不須要路遙就能知道馬力, 也不用等到日久, 就能看清一個人是否可以擔當大任. 

*註: 同鄉會一位元老級會員解釋說, 是他要她去作展覽助解.

Home Coming

One of my favorite photos of my sons, is the one with them helping out their puo-puo (婆婆: grandma) in the kitchen. The boys had flour all over them while taking turns churning the manual pasta machine as puo-puo looked on. It was all fun and play for the kids, sheer joy for Puo-Puo. The love in her eyes was evident, displayed freely in her gentle smile. It was a messy scene for the usually spotless kitchen but Puo-Puo didn't seem to mind at all.

Gogo (哥哥) stood a little taller than the table with his hands on the machine handle. Didi (弟弟) was just three years old then, not quite able to reach even with all his might. That was nearly five years ago. We needed to plan a trip to visit my in-laws, a long overdue trip. This trip would have added significance – help my father in-law celebrate his big 6-0.

I asked our sons if they were excited about the upcoming trip, neither of them expressed much excitement. I didn’t blame them, memories from five years ago were about as distant as the toy cars they had tossed into the donation bin. Gogo is tall and husky for his age, Didi has also grown a lot since the picture on the fridge was taken. 

It didn’t come as a surprise that the flight would be a one-day affair. Too bad we don’t live closer to my in-laws or we’d definitely visit them more often. Looking at the few flight options, we opted for one that would require the family to be up at 4 am for the airport shuttle. Blame it on the time difference and the heightened air travel security. I actually don’t mind the extra layer of airport screening, it brings some peace of mind.   

Came departure day, everyone got up rather swiftly. Our boys had been on quite a few trips, they knew the drills. No sooner had I looked through our checklist and double checked our travel documents than the shuttle arrived in our driveway. The drive to the airport took much less time than it normally would. There were very few vehicles on the roads before the break of dawn. 

After checking in our luggage and passing through airport security, we headed to the gate for our first flight. The totally flight time was actually short, however, the 3 ½-hr layover in between flights chewed up the day. We had lunch, browsed the stores, and rode the airport tram just for fun. Finally, it was time to board our second flight, one step closer to our destination.

I was having sporadic chats with 周公 when the flight attendant came around with his cart. I asked for a cup of apple juice and cookies. I looked over at another passenger, he requested peanuts. “The bags of peanuts being handed out sure have shrunk!”, I thought to myself. “If you’d like extra peanuts, they are $3 each (bag).”, our friendly attendant offered. Robbery at mile-high was more appropriate. 

Before long, we were less than a hundred kilometers from the airport. Over the intercom, the captain announced that we would soon begin to descend. Although she didn’t display a lot of emotions, I was sure that my wife was very happy to be back again. We didn’t spend more than a few minutes going through customs and getting our passports stamped. Briskly, we marched out to the lobby and were met by my brother in-law. 

“Say Hi to QQ (舅舅), I asked the boys. They turned and greeted the “stranger” stood before them. QQ was in disbelief that the kids had gotten so big. We chatted as we strolled through the parking garage and were soon on our way – to Puo-Puo’s. 

The city’s outskirt hasn’t changed much but there are definitely a lot more houses and stores now. QQ took us on a new route which I didn’t recognize, supposedly, a shorter distance back home. Some thirty minutes later, we finally arrived! Gogo got up to the door and rang the bell. A familiar voice responded and the door was ajar. My mother in-law greeted us as she gazed upon her grandsons. Her smiles grew as the boys greeted her, “Hi Puo-Puo.”. She stood in amazement for a brief moment. The little baby that she had once taken care of, is now taller than her - Gogo. She looked at both her grandsons and smiled once again.  

“悲憐上帝的兒女- Children of a lesser God”

“悲憐上帝的兒女- Children of a lesser God”, 我不是什麼翻譯專家, 也不知道這是誰翻譯的, 但是我覺得, 英文原意跟翻譯的意思不僅無關, 反而有點相反. 

Children of a lesser God, 是一部很好的電影, 描述著一位特殊教育老師, 跟一位學生之間的故事. 我想, 無論是失聰, 失明, 或是手足有缺陷的, 難免會有心理障礙. 往往, 心理上的障礙比生理上的障礙更難克服. 

然而, 這一群上天沒有眷顧到的兒女, 在他們崎嶇的生活路上, 還得克服大眾歧視的眼光, 和刺耳的字眼. 我很慶幸在一個偶然的機會中結識了一群盲人, 雖然談不上深交, 但是在幾天的相處後, 他們讓我看見了人生的另一面, 這一面, 是我們明眼者所看不見的.

盲人打棒球, 你們聽過, 看過嗎? 矇住雙眼, 是不是寸步難行? 然而, 這眼盲心不盲的一群, 豁然的接受了上天對他們的不公平, 走出自己的象牙塔, 不自暴自棄. 他們不儘在黑暗中大步邁出, 走向自己開闢的路, 甚至能竭力衝刺, 跑向看不見的壘包. 身上無數的瘀青, 掩不住他們心中的成就感, 跟臉上滿足的笑靨. 

長久以來, 我知道”殘而不廢”的意思, 但是從未真正懂得它的涵意. 我感謝這一群盲友為我解釋了它的意義, 也為我開啟了另一扇視窗. 

盲人打棒球: http://espn.go.com/swf/eticket/beep/beep.html

一同關心視障學童:  http://lxjk.51140.net/jkxw/220013980.html

Family Time

We enjoy spending time with our sons whenever we can. It doesn’t matter if we’re just riding our bikes around the blocks, or having fun at the playground in a nearby park. Family time is a top priority for us. We are usually greeted by other families while we are out. However, it has become more and more common that many parents are "disconnected" during these family outings.  

I’m not sure if the mom with the cute little boy is texting her best friend about the ongoing sales? She hasn’t stopped texting since sitting down on playground bench. Two boys are out playing catch with their dad, only the dad brings his electronic toy with him. He soon excuses himself from his sons and sits down to immerse himself in his techno gadget with a pair of headphones. These scenes play out over and over again at musical recitals, school plays, soccer practices, among many other places. 

I’m not here to preach good-parenting. We all have our own ideal on the subject. This I’ll say though, family time needs “quality” to make it meaningful. If you must, bring a camera with you - capture the moments which you’ll treasure for years to come.

Make Yourselves at Home

About three months ago I found out Mike and Linda had placed their home in S.C. on the market during a conversation with my sister. "Really? They did that? Where are they going to live then?", I asked my sister. "They are coming to stay with us.", my sister replied. "Oh, I see. How long are they staying?", I asked again. "Six months, maybe longer. Until they sell their home in S.C., I guess.", my sister responded with a heavy sigh. "Say what?!", I was completely surprised after learning this. 

I don't remember when exactly my parents befriended Linda & Mike. My guess is about 20 years ago. They were acquaintances at first but over the years they had become the regulars among our guests. Mike had once served in the military, always has a few jokes or stories to share. Linda has this vivacious personality and is always welcoming. 

A few years ago, Mike had decided to move back to his roots - South Carolina, and to be closer to his children from his first marriage. When Mike has his mind made up, it's his way or no way. As reluctant as Linda was, she packed up all their belongings as Mike put up the "For Sale" sign in their front yard. It wasn't long before the realtor presented them with the first offer on the house. It was sold a short time after, which made Mike very happy. 

Mike and Linda settled in a new home they had built, a few miles from where Mike had spent his childhood. When we visited them four years ago, Mike took us on a tour around the area. It's a quaint little town I must say. Just as we all thought Mike and Linda had found the perfect place to spend their retirement, surprise news arrived. Although it didn't come as a total shock, we were surprised to learn that Mike's children were only lukewarm about their father's homecoming. Mike never did have a close relationship with his three children.

In the six years that Mike and Linda had moved back, they had received more visits from my sister's family and ours. No matter how much Mike tried to rekindle his relationship with his kids, they stayed at an arm's length. It was more saddening to Mike, when his grandchildren kept their distance from him as well. I guess things aren't the same anymore after you have uprooted for so long. Bearing this "unwanted" burden and feeling neglected, Mike and Linda felt that they had no choice but to move back to San Diego, to their circle of friends. 

So, with a few suitcases of belongings, Mike and Linda left their house key with the realtor. My sister's place would become their "temporary" home. My niece and nephew grew up under Mike and Linda's watchful eyes so they really liked the idea of "grandpa" and "grandma" coming and staying with them. Little did they realize, their house guests would stretch "make yourselves at home" to an uncharted boundary.

All in all, Mike is a loving and jolly kind of guy, Linda on the other hand, plays a great hostess whenever we visit them. In the weeks that followed their arrival at my sister's, they began to show a side which was unbeknown to us. It was nothing short of an eye opener so to speak, particular for my sister's family. 

Every morning, Mike'd sit in his favorite spot in the family room. Kicking his feet on the table, sipping on his coffee and watching the TV, it's just like home for Mike. Linda cleared out the cabinet space under the sink, to make room for her personal items. No big deal, right? Well, Mike has the ability to remain seated in the reclining sofa for hours on end. Linda'd bring him drinks, meals, and snacks. She'd also take away his cup, plate, utensils and wrappers  when he yelled "Honey...". Clearing out cabinet space is fine but not when the hosts' belongings are put in the bags and shoved to the side. My sweet mom was in disbelief to discover her stuff in grocery bags tugged away in the cabinet.

"What's all this white stuff on the table?", my niece asked my sister one afternoon. My sister took a closer look and was puzzled by the small mound of "shavings". Minutes later, Mike came back to his seat, feet up on the table again. My sister then realized that Mike had been rubbing his heels on the table. "Gross!", she asked my niece and nephew to do their homework on the dinner table. "Repulsive! Absolutely repulsive!", was my sister's reaction. Despite the tension that was building up, my sister remained calm. She didn't want to confront them since they have been a part of the family for so long. 

Two nights ago I called my sister, they have an upcoming trip to Taiwan this December. I asked how everyone was doing and if the kids were excited about the trip. It didn't take long before we shifted our topic to their house guests. It was then I learned about all these behaviors of our family friends. "They returned to S.C. about a month ago.", my sister said. "Oh really, they did?", I responded. Due to our work schedules and living in different time zones, sometimes my sister and I don't get a chance to talk for several weeks.

"I was very busy with the kids' activities and my new job. I guess they felt left-out and wanted to leave.", my sister said. I detected a sense of relief in her tone. "Well, can't please them all the time, right? I'm happy for you that this is over.", I said to her. We chatted a while longer that evening. "Yeah, mom didn't ask them when they rolled off - when are you coming back?", she said. I couldn't help but chuckled. I wear emotions on my sleeves, I probably wouldn't last two weeks before giving them the poker face. 

Remember, "Make yourselves at home." is a privilege, not something you are entitled to. Don't abuse it. 

Don't program your kids!

The other day our older son came home and told us that he didn't get selected for the Spell Bowl. I put one arm around his shoulder to comfort him. "I know you put in hard-work to prepare for this. It's all right you didn't make it this year, you'll have another chance in 6th grade." He didn't say anything. 

About half an hour later my wife arrived home, I broke her the news. She encouraged him and told him not to be too hard on himself. All of a sudden Gogo (our older son's nickname at home) burst out laughing. My wife and I looked at each other, both puzzled.

"I got 75 out of 75 on my spell bowl pre-test.", Gogo said to us. "A perfect score? And you didn't make the team?", I asked, still puzzled. Gogo said, "I MADE the team.", in an excited tone. "Hahaha...", Gogo continued laughing. Mr. Smarty Pants played us, he got us good!

"How about Ray and Ben? Did they make it?", I asked. "Well, no, but they didn't try out for the team.", Gogo relied. "Why not?", I asked. Both of them were among the top spellers and participated in the spell bowl last year. I thought they would naturally try out for the team this year. 

"Ray's dad is having him study the Jr. spelling list, it's for Jr. high schoolers. Ben's dad is having him do something else.", Gogo responded. Gogo is currently in the accelerated program at school, so are Ray and Ben. They are at least one grade ahead of the regular 5th graders, in some areas, two grades above. 

I thought to myself, was it really necessary to push an already high-achieving child that hard? From what I understand, Ben's dad lays out daily curriculum for him. Ben has never attended any of his classmate's birthday party, though invited. Likewise, Ben's birthday is celebrated only with his own family members. 

Ray's dad hosted an accelerated math tutoring class last year - teaching pre-algebra to his then 4th grade son. Gogo joined the study group and was able to handle the materials but he didn't have fun. "It was quizzes and more quizzes.", I remember Gogo telling us about this, mid way through the "Math Kangaroo" program. 

Sure, school is usually associated with homework more so than fun. As adults we know what it's like to be working all the time - it sucks! Here is what I want to say to all you Tiger moms and dads, Don't program your kids!